New Day

The reality of the pain from my childhood is becoming more and more painful.  I've wondered if it was Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.  I guess we all struggle to give things a name when we don't understand what it is or what causes it.  I've had a counselor tell me I should go under intense three day therapy to bring that childhood trauma back and deal with it.  I've held on to the knowledge that it is there somewhere in the recesses of my mind but buried deep long ago to not allow it to hurt me.  but hurt me it continues to do.

While discussing this with my best friend last night or the man who is quickly becoming my best friend and confidant, he said to me.  Why do you feel the need to dredge up old pain?  Christ died for that pain.  Put it in His hands and let it go.  Release it to Him completely.  Shocked as I looked in his face, I knew that is exactly what I need to do.  I was amazed that it really can be that simple for me because He bore it all.  All my sin, all my pain.....this is advice I would have given another but never thought to do it myself.  What a treasure You have put into my life with Your wisdom.  I don't need to relive it.  I need to release it to You in complete trust and You will remove it from me.  You are my Jehovah Rapha, my healer.and although You and I talked about this last night after I was home, I want to relinquish this daily until it is gone from my memory one morning and I walk in the freedom of Your love and grace.  I want more than anything to walk as Your servant approved by Your sacrifice and grace......I wish to walk free from the bondage of the experience that I won't allow myself to remember but that continues to haunt me.  I don't want to take it back from You again.  I thank you that I am good enough for You to die that excrutiating death but more important to rise and walk in Your glorified body to return for us one sweet day to live in paradise forever as God intended.  I don't have to be "good enough" again for anyone else.  The days of trying to protect my brothers and resent others are over.  This is now Yours LORD and I am forever grateful for the freedom I sense in my spirit.

It's a new day!

Thank you for using Scott to make me see I was holding on to the pain because I thought I had to and You are the one that really already holds it for me in eternity.  Maranatha!  Come LORD!